How to Decide Between a Wedding and an Elopement

Weddings

When I got married, my husband and I wanted to throw a huge party and celebrate with everyone. We went all out with 200 guests with the typical obligatory invites and also the invites where if you include this one person, you have to include these other 7 people.

The day was fast-paced, jam packed, and fun as HECK. It was the best day ever. Being able to gather all the people that we knew and loved in one place to celebrate was freaking awesome.

We had the best dance party at the end of the night, got super sweaty and messed up my hair REAL bad and it was the dream wedding we’ve always wanted.

That said, it was also incredibly stressful. I don’t enjoy being in the center of attention because I’m introverted and I don’t have an endless social battery like my husband does. The planning process was fun but those last few weeks were anxiety-filled. The entire day, I felt like I wasn’t really in my body, like I was watching a lot of it go by because there were only a handful of moments I found to really soak it all in and be present.

My honest to god favorite part of my day was right after the ceremony when my husband and I got 15 minutes completely alone in the bridal suite. I took off my dress, we ate a plate of food, and laid on the ground together.

It was the only time we got to be alone the entire day. We wouldn’t have done it any other way though! But if we were to get married now, we’d elope in the mountains and have a little reception afterwards.

As a photographer, I get to follow around the couple most of the day. I am able to observe them, their emotions, interactions, and private moments. Here’s what I’ve observed:

• It’s an emotional roller coaster (not necessarily in a good or bad way)

• Lots of love, support, and hugs from all the guests

• There’s the feeling of anticipation before the first look, followed by the indescribable joy when you see each other for the first time

• So many smiles and laughing during wedding party photos

• Family photos are a stressor because the couple is tired of standing and smiling. Also, family members aren’t listening so it takes forever and the couple just wants to get to their cocktail hour and join the rest of the guests

• The couple spends only 50% of the whole day physically together, and of that time, maybe 5% completely alone

• Lot’s of tears and laugher during toasts

• Couples seem to have the most fun and feel most relaxed during the big dance party at the end of the night

I have also seen many couples feel overwhelmed, stressed out, annoyed, frustrated, and disappointed. I have even helped a bride through a full on panic attack right before the ceremony.

When you throw a huge party after planning it for over a year, there is a good chance some things might not go as planned! From my observations, I have noticed that couples experience the most anxiety stress from problems that arise because of their FAMILY (sound about right?).

I feel weird saying it, but it’s true. Very rarely, do I see couples getting frustrated over the fact that the food is cold which can seem like a terrible thing to have happen but it’s honestly just brushed off because it’s out of their control.

The things I see couples upset over are family members being pushy or demanding. Sounds like not too big of a deal, but it can be. When it’s your wedding, you want to feel like it’s a celebration of your love. Even if you are introverted and don’t like being the center of attention, you still want your wedding to be about you two as a couple and your marriage and it totally should be!

But when you have family telling you what to do, where to be, making it about them, it gets overwhelming and exhausting. It makes you feel like this isn’t your wedding, like it’s someone else’s party and you’re just the shiny toy being passed around.

This can create that feeling like you’re just watching the day go by as others take over and not really participating in it the way you wanted to.

All these ups and downs are simply the realities of having a wedding. It’s not always the case, as I have seen couples loving every aspect of their wedding day. But typically, there is some combination of all these emotions that couples experience on the day of their wedding. Here’s the secret:

It’s all about the perception and mentally you decide to have going into your wedding. If you accept that things might go wrong, it will be easily brushed off when they do.

If you know that your mom is going to be overbearing, you can find it endearing. If you know that crazy Paul might get too drunk and accidentally knock over the cake table, you can hopefully appoint a “babysitter” or just find some hilarity in the fact that he can’t keep his shit together. If you know in your heart that all your guests are there because they love and support you and they’re not just there to sabotage your day, you’ll see that they are just there to celebrate with you in the only way they know how.